


Lady Knows-a-Lot-and-Is-Never-Wrong

by ehonauta (banzai)



Category: The Avengers (2012), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Crack, Gen, Quintuple Drabble, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-14
Updated: 2013-05-14
Packaged: 2017-12-11 19:28:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/802340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/banzai/pseuds/ehonauta
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Wherein Darcy wrangles some nomenclature. A tiny fic written in celebration of 900 members of Darcyland on Tumblr (fuckyeahdarcylewis) and the subsequent bestowing of this fic's title on little old me.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lady Knows-a-Lot-and-Is-Never-Wrong

**Author's Note:**

> Unbeta’d, unedited, and uncalled for. The Darcy-works-the-phones idea is particularly inspired by “Groundwater” by legete here on AO3, which is Darcy/Steve and adorable.

Darcy checks the caller ID on her massive switchboard pretending to be a “phone.”

Lifting the receiver, she pushes the “pickup” button and chirps “Hey, Phil!”

“Ms. Lewis, I have reminded you repeatedly that while on SHIELD time, you need to use my actual title.”

“Ugh, fine. Hey, Agent Phil.”

“Ms. Lewis…” he warns.

She rolls her eyes (not that there’s not cameras on her or whatever, but she’s not going to totally give up the fight).

“Good afternoon, Agent Coulson. How can I be of service to you this fine day?”

“I’m actually calling about your personnel forms. They’ve been kicked up the chain due to some… irregularities.”

She stifles a grin. “Huh. That’s weird. I’m pretty sure I filled everything out accurately.”

“Ms. Lewis, your tax forms have you listed as a dual citizen of the United States of America… and Asgard.”

“Yep!”

“Ms Lewis…”

“Hey, Thor’s a bro, what can I say? I mean, maybe it’s honorary or whatever, but I’m pretty sure you can’t prove otherwise. As long my taxes are getting deducted, does it matter?”

“Ms Lewis, in the case of an audit, don’t you think that someone might take offense to one of our employees with — and let me be frank here — unprecedented and not entirely on-the-record access to the Avengers team, having divided loyalties?”

“Agent Coulson, don’t you think most people have divided loyalties, and that mine just happen to be easily documented?”

“Ms Lewis…”

“No, actually, I think if you’re going to make a big deal of this, I’d prefer to be known by my Asgardian title: Lady Knows-a-Lot-and-is-Never-Wrong.”

Silence on the line.

“… Agent?”

A strangled coughing noise is her only response, and Darcy suddenly wishes desperately she had a camera set up in Phil’s office. She’s pretty sure that noise was some kind of unholy combination of a snort of disbelief and a laugh, but you never can tell with Coulson.

After another brief pause, Phil’s voice returns, sounding almost normal.

“Ms Lewis, I can change your forms so you’re just listed as a US citizen, and, if you promise to never bring this up again, you may call me … Agent Phil.”

“Just Phil.”

“Darcy…” The warning tone is back.

“Ok, ok, bossman. Agent Phil at work, and Phil at Avengers barbecues and bar nights?”

“Fine. Speaking of, we’ll see you at 8.”

“Have a good day saving the world, Agent Phil.”

*click*

With a Cheshire-cat grin, Darcy returned to her phone bank. And if later she had a name plaque for her desk printed with her Asgardian name, well, nobody could quite find a reason to complain.


End file.
